There is no pretty way to say this, and I've thought of posting about it the whole time that I've been gone.
For whatever reason, with whichever explanations and diagnoses etc that one could give me, I've been unwell for quite some time.
Truth be told, I was struggling with my mental health the entire time I ran this blog, and when I returned home from London--the few months that I felt I could really make it out of whatever hell my brain created, I fell into a pit of despair. I kid. Sort of. I entered my senior year of college hopeful that being back at school would make it go away, but the sadness lingered on as I lived one of the objectively best years of my life so far in a house with my best friends with great classes and the best grades I'd gotten since Freshman year. I just couldn't shake it the nothingness.
I returned home in the summer feeling defeated and hopeless, knowing that I had to figure out how to make myself happier, because as much as it was taking a toll on me to feel so terrible all the time, it hurt even more to see the people I love look so dejected whenever I'd pull away from them.
I entered therapy (a few years later than I should have, yikes) this past January, and while I still have a lot of poor mental and physical habits to undo, I feel more like myself at this point than I have in the year+ that I have been gone.
To be honest, I'm not sure where I'm going with this blog. I don't want to delete it at this point, because although I find it a bit silly and beyond my current interests, it was a big part of my life for a few years. I might continue using this platform for posts that reflect who I am now more, or I might leave it as is as a relic of my college years. Either way, it's not likely to be deleted, and wherever I choose to end up will be posted somewhere as an update in this space.
For now, if you would like to keep up with my (at times, incoherent) ramblings, you can follow me on Tumblr.